I was almost always ill as a child because of sinusitis and tonsillitis, so my ignorant brain just put the blame on too much ice cream, but I kinda also knew it was the poppers. They have a term for that too: Popperbating. When no one did, I just pulled one off myself whilst sniffing the fumes. Once I scored a bottle, it would last me anywhere between three to six months, depending on the people who were absolutely comfortable partaking in it. There are forums online where Indian men are looking for poppers and some kind white men are there to help. While I got my hands on some poppers easily (although I had to get it shipped to a friend’s apartment because I didn’t want my mother adding Jungle Juice to her coffee), some other Indians are apparently not so lucky. The names on the bottles range from Purple Haze and Jungle Juice to Liquid Gold and the too-on-the-nose, Bang! Don’t worry about not being able to identify a bottle because they seldom have subtle names. The prices can range anywhere between Rs 900 to 5,000 per bottle. But most sites import them from the UK and Amsterdam and ship it to your doorstep. Until recently, they were available on popular shopping websites most of us use all the time. While amyl nitrite is not classified under the 344 drugs (and their combinations) banned in India, authorities do not allow sellers to sell them for sex purposes. So I googled and found out that it’s pretty easy scoring poppers online. Soon I wanted some more of the high without wanting to damage anyone’s rectum. I walked away from the encounter entirely angry with myself, but not having learnt my lesson. There was a beast in me that had gone berserk. The second time, I was so involved in sniffing the fumes, I hurt him and didn’t even realise. I travelled an hour and a half away from my hotel just because he said he had some.
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The next time I was offered free poppers during sex was by a much older gentleman a year later in Bengaluru, through Grindr. So you consume more to get to that same first-time rush. But continuous dependence on poppers, much like with any other drug, increases your immunity to the high. Now having encountered that first hand, both on the giving and receiving end, I can safely say that it does work wonders for both the participants involved in anal sex. Now every dude who could afford to have poppers was a supplier for me, and they were just body bags I could hump to to feel that release that only certain drugs can facilitate. Throughout my 20s, sex was something personal, something you did with someone you liked beyond that one night. Like a true junkie, I was losing my shit. He realised that too and our meetings stopped.
By the fourth time, I realised I was only meeting him because he had this seemingly never-ending supply of poppers, each with a name weirder than the other. Your blood flows faster, your heart beats harder, your penis throbs like pulsating lava. If I had to explain what inhaling amyl nitrite for the first time really feels like, I’d say it’s like witnessing a hundred goosebumps in one go. I slumped too, the back of my neck feeling like it had just undergone a serious Balinese massage. I took the bottle and like a professional, like I was born to do it, I shut one nostril with one hand, and inhaled the fumes from the other. I saw him inhale, his hair rising instantaneously, and he slumped a little. He pulled out a bottle, no bigger than two AA batteries held together. Comes all the way from England,” he said. I was honestly fine with the regular beer-and-marijuana routine before getting in bed with prospective dates, but this one rainy evening, I was chilling with a long-time fuck buddy who just casually said he’s got a new batch of poppers. It’s like the moment you do it, you feel like an invincible rail bogie that can charge through pretty much anything. They might not be really addictive, as a study says, but for gay men, there has ben a pattern of depending on them to make sex more enjoyable. The only problem is, poppers are highly addictive in an obnoxiously good way. Now the internet is rife with the many issues the continued usage of poppers exhibit, and let me tell you, they aren’t too far from the truth.